Blergh~

I just want to let off steam, so, to the few ones who read this: don't ask me about it, don't even take it into account. I'm at the moment just kind of stupidly dramatic and I don't feel like sleeping, reading or whatever.

So here I am. And here is my life. I'm in Barcelona, I should be fucking happy and I still feel like everything is messed up. I've changed the surrounding. I've changed my home. I've even changed my hair. And still I feel like there's something wrong with me. 

I still leave things to the last day. I still spend hours in front of this bloody screen. I still am so bloody selfish and proud. I haven't changed a bit. And it is not the problem, because I love me the way I am. I am like this, and I have to live with it, I'm not going to be anyone else or pretend to be one. But sometimes I just can't stand myself.

And now I have so many doubts in my head that it's going to tear it appart. The rationalist in me is kind of offline and I'm being driven by all these stupid thoughts which now seem not to be so stupid. And I hate writing this because in the end I don't like acting like a victim. I hate victims. And I know I'm strong enough to take the brides of my life as soon as I really know what to do. But the fucking problem is that I don't know it. And I don't know what to do about it. And it's driving me mad. 

And that's it. I needed to post it. I may erase this stupid post tomorrow, but at least I feel a little bit lighter. Or sort of.

♪: nocturne - the paul schwartz project

雨。。。

One of the best things of this beedroom is that anytime it rains, I can hear it perfectly because the indoor courtyard makes a kind of echo that lets me enjoy each drop, even though I may be listening to music. 

One of the best things of this flat is that I can go out to the balcony and watch the rain falling and feel the moisture without getting wet.

One of the best things of rain is that when it's falling I feel like time has been stopped and that nothing has happened in my life, that I'm aside all that things that make me weak, that everything else is just virtually unreal. 

And I love that feeling.

♪: eden - sarah brightman

Old feelings

Did you ever think of me,
As your best friend
Did I ever think of you,
I'm not complaining

I never tried to feel
I never tried to feel
This vibration
I never tried to reach
I never tried to reach
Your eden

Did I ever think of you,
As my enemy
Did you ever think of me,
I'm not complaining

I never tried to feel
I never tried to feel
This vibration.
I never tried to reach
I never tried to reach
Your eden

I never tried to feel
I never tried to...
Your eden

♪: eden - sarah brightman

Paprika (L)

胸にエナジー　ケミカルの泡立ち
ハイヤーや古タイヤや血や肉の通りを行き
あれがリバティー　ユートピアのパロディー
ハイヤーやギガ・ムービーの絢爛の並木は晴れ

マイナーな欝は戯言　バラ色は廉価
いわく幸せと知れ　持ちきれぬほど

瀕死のリテラシー　メカニカルに殺す
売人や吊るワイヤーやホルムアルデヒドの通り
乾くシナジー　合成スイートで湿し
高層のメガ神殿に狂乱のファンドの雨

「蒙昧」の文字は書けねど　未来は廉価
なべて迷信と笑え　因果のストーリー

さあ　異臭を放ち来る　キミの影を喰い
恐怖のパレードが来る　キミの名の下に

轟音のMC　シビリアンには致死量
廃人や売るダイアや血に堕ちた道理の通り
あれがリバティー　ユートピアのパロディー
頼みはＳＳＲＩ　さて流行のテラスでハイホー

マイナーな説はたわごと　享楽は廉価
努々省みるな　手遅れゆえ

さあ　異臭を放ち来る　キミの影を喰い
恐怖のパレードが来る　キミの名の下に
さあ　地を埋めつくすほど　キミの影が産む
狂気のパレードが来る　キミの名の下に

♪: parade - hirasawa susumu

♥

I've been thinking about writing down something here for a few days, but I didn't feel like it until today. My passion towards Terry Pratchett has come to life again. 

First of all, I have to shame me because I've left him behind for a long time, (I think it's been a year since I last read a book of his) and what's more, not knowing BBC (GOD BLESS IT) has done two wonderful movies based on TP's work. Of course, they are Pratchettproved, and that's why they are so FUCKING good.

I mean, there are things I don't like: Rincewind's too young and Twoflowers too old, Death's just a skeleton, it doesn't even move its jag... But MY, It's Discworld put into cinema. IT'S THE BLOODY DISCWORLD. Ok, I'm getting a bit excited, forgive me.

The thing is that recently I've been craving for more of his books. First of all, when I came across that wonderful TP merchandise website in which I'm going to spend all my money. Then, re-downloading the games. And now watching Hogfather and The colour of magic.

My, I just need a fix of Terry Pratchett. I think that as soon as I finish A goat's song (YEAH, I HAVEN'T FINISHED THE FUCKING BOOK), I'll start reading him like hell. I'll try to read at least untill I have read half his books this year.

And that's pretty much it. I just wanted to yell it somewhere.

Everything I am, everything I see is all part of a circle coming back to me. All this joy and hate it will be again all part of a circle coming back to me...

♪: the circle - gregorian

The jester's joy

It was the last time he ever saw him! His jester away with his beloved son. Only because he, the king, would not be able to even imagine that the jocker, the one who people always laughed at, could have uttered such a simple question, and what is more, that he could not answer it propperly.The jester, a lame laid man, had always light up the king and his son’s lifes, even though he was not part of it, just an ornament. Or that was what the king thought. He never noticed that his son would not laugh at the joker, but with him; he would look up to him, and not down on him. And when the king realized it, it was too late to stop it, blue blood mixed with filth, nothing to be borne. The worst part of it was that he loved his son above all things in life: his wife had died time ago and there was no one to trust when being a king but your own flesh.
Despite the king’s grief, he could not allow this to go on, so he decided to tempt all men flaw: greed.
One day, on enjoying a party with all his servants, the king decided to try his jester’s loyalty: if he showed his love to be more important than money, the king would turn a blind eye to their insane affair; if not, the jester would be cast into shame because of his greed, and expelled out of the kingdom.
“My jester, should you propose a riddle I am not able to answer right, I would give you a privilege, chosing between half my fortune, or freedom with your beloved one, whoever that one is.” The king smiled to the audience, who looked in awe to them, waiting for an exciting interpretation of the jester. He, on the other hand, could only feel the eyes of his lover upon his, and his blood freezing on the fear of failing. His voice, though, was firm and clear when he shouted, so that everyone in the hall would hear him, “my lord, how many stars can you now count in the sky?”.
The king looked at him seriously, “don’t try to tease me, jester, for the stars in the sky are numberless and even I wouldn’t be able to answer that”. The jester, with a great smile towards the prince answered “my lord, my beloved lord; let me choose now my beloved one, because at this very moment the only star in the sky you can count is the sun”.

And then, the king closed his eyes and nodded  sorrowfully.

PROMETEO MY ASS

I'm hating greek mythology like hell now. Seriously ò3o.

♪: not me, not i - delta goodrem

Back to roots

My piano. Laughing out loud. Gregorian voices. Celtic soul. Stripes. Frayed trousers. Old crushes. 

♪: one of us - gregorian

Foolish games ♪ ♪ ♪

Lately I've been posting random stupid notes, but I feel like doing it and this is my little kingdom. Anyway, who bloody cares?

You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you

Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.

You took your coat off,
Stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.

♪: foolish games - jewel

Shakespeare

My fingers hurt, but I've been playing piano for an hour more or less.

It feels so good... I've missed you so much, my dear...

♪: besoin d'espace - pierrick lilliu

J'ai mal, mal à en crever...

Home

So yeah, I'm going home tomorrow. I'm taking the plane at 9 a.m. (which means...? Yeah! I have to get up at five o'clock in the morning, yay for me!).

It's pretty weird, I haven't really realized it. It's not like Christmas, or the classes-off week after exmas. It has come quite unexpected and now I'm trying to tell myself that tomorrow I'll be in the North again, that I have to take a bloody plane and that I'll be again at home for a week more or less. I'm quite excited, though I may not put it well across. I'm varnishing my nails.

♪: ameno - era

闇にまどいしあわれなかげよ

人を憎しみおとしめて

つみにおぼれるごうのたま

...

一遍、死んで見る?

Boredom.

A Goat's Song creates a kind of temporal vortex quite strange. I've only read one more chapter and I feel like I've been reading for ages.

I want it to end so baaaaad ç______ç.

♪: fool's gold - blackmore's night

So weird...