The book.

It's been ages since I wrote the last entry here (déjà vu...). I don't want to explain all the changes I've been through because, seriously, they have been so many that I couldn't recall what was the first of all of them.

Something deep inside me has changed into a much complex being. Not everything, not much complex, but important enough to make me feel slightly different. And when I feel slightly different, it means I've undergone some kind of transformation without even noticing it.

I don't like my writing anymore, I feel like I have to learn from the very basis of literature, and I want to tattoo myself, to feel the pain and realize that now I have the power over myself again.

Today I felt a tremendous longing for a hard-paperback book. One of those in a brown shade, rough texture and letters in gold. One of those with ancient pages, all yellow and stiff; with that smell of poetry and literature, of knowledge and deepness. I just craved to have it on my thighs and touch the pages with my fingertips, the words...

♪: what you don't know - jonatha brooke

God save the queen.

No man alive.

It's been ages since I haven't written anything here. I don't know why, I feel more like writing in Spanish lately, though most of the times I could express myself better in English. At least my feelings.

I don't really feel like writing, but at this moment I just feel like posting these lyrics...

There's no man alive that I can deceive

so give me man who's crueler than me.

There's no man alive that I can destroy

so give me man who'll be first to deploy.

Give me a static-free cellular line

so I can connect to him all the time.

Give me a sparkling astral chord

so I can be there when he's no more.

♪: no man alive - hannah fury

Goodbye to England.

So I am back home again. I have quite mixed feelings, I have to say. I adore being under my mother's wing again, and I cannot help but glancing at my violin and piano and looking forward to play them until my fingers bleed.

But I have found the place where I belong. I am sure, and when I left Hills Road 6th Form College I could constantly feel that I had left something behind. While I was searching an appropriate backpack for my excess of luggage, I was wondering what I could have left behind. I checked my phone, my passport, my pens, my notebook and my certificate. Everything was all right.

Only when I was looking through the window pane in the city1 bus heading Fulbourn did I realize that I was forsaking a link between myself and the surrounding that I never had before.
And it hurt so deeply that it didn't ache. Because I knew that I was to be there again.

One more and I'll be free.

Turning tricks with absent guile
Reeling in your crooked smile
Why did I turn to you?
I only wanted a hand to pour my heart into
And now I'll bump my grind through another night
Lose my mind in another fight
Why did I turn to you?
I only gave you a chance to prove the rumors true
And now I'm paying with my
Paying with my life
I'm paying with my life
My life
My life

So let the record show
That you murdered me
In your coldest blood
With your own two hands
Don't think no one understands
It happens every day

Working life like a burlesque show
Get them off and they'll let you go
Why did I turn to you?
I only turned out to be just one more girl you slew
And now I'll bump my grind through another
Lose my mind in another
Why, why, why, why?
I only gave you a chance to prove the rumors true
And now I'm paying with my
Paying with my life
I'm paying with my life
My life
My life

So let the record show
That you murdered me
In your coldest blood
With your own two hands
Don't think no one understands
It happens every day
You're jealous, oh
You're jealous, why?
It's a simple excuse
For a complex crime
So write this on your soul
But don't waste my time

If I'm going down
Then I'm doing down good
If I'm going down
Then I'm going down clean
If I'm going down
Then I'm going down
The prettiest broken girl you've ever seen
If I'm going down
Then I'm going down good
If I'm going down
Then I'm going down clean
If I'm going down
Then I'm going
The prettiest wretched whore you've ever seen

But while I breathe
I've got no evidence to prove my end
And so you'll walk away?
Nope, wrong again

So let the record show
That you murdered me
In your coldest blood
With your own two hands
Don't think no one understands
It happens every day
You're jealous, oh
You're jealous, why?
It's a simple excuse for a complex crime
So write this on your soul

And let it show
That you murdered me
In your coldest blood
With your own two hands
Don't think no one understands
It happens every day
You're jealous, oh
You're jealous, why?
It's a simple excuse for a complex crime
So write this on your soul
But don't waste my time

KANJI FAYSIDHFKJASDHFKJASNDF ;_;

If I had to learn one more kanji I would kill someone.

Seriously.

Nineteen

I have been given one moment from heaven

As I am walking surrounded by night

Stars high above me

Make a wish under moonlight

♪: on my way home - enya