OK, so another year has passed by. A bitterly tough year, I have to say, though it has helped me in many ways to notice lots of things. I'm not going to mention people I've left behind, because, after all, they're behind, and they don't deserve being metioned. And that's it.
2008 should be halved in two, the first part of it was difficult, so to speak, but thanks to that I've learned how can I come through such situations in which future was utterly bleak; alone thanks to my pride, or together with some special ones who helped me a lot.
The second part of the year was quite better, though I was still staggering, trying to assimilate all that I have been through, I found a place where I shouldn't have to care about me and my looks. Where I could talk without being banned, where I could wear anything I fucking would like to wear, without fearing being battered. I'm still amazed by people in Barcelona, and I'm afraid I will be for a long time, I've found so many real people I just can't believe it. They've won a part in my heart, which is not easy, in a very short time, and I'm not frightened by being harmed. Unbelievable. What's more, I've started to live by my own, and found that it is not easy, that it makes you think about things that were insignificant in first place, and now are the whole world. I've had so many good times with Sunday, in our beautiful flat, cooking, cleaning and talking about all our problems.
I feel like I've been dreaming for a long time.
The Knight has stood by me all this time, and it seems that he'll do it for the rest of our lifes, and I feel totally blessed by that, because he's all I want in my other half. And I know I'm his other half. And that's why even though kilometres would fall between us, everything's going to be all right, because I'll be always there for him, and so he will be.
I've started again with Suiseiseki, this time for ever, because, we both know we're twins, part of the same soul, and that nothing will stop us now.
I've remembered how harsh it was to begin with an instrument, and how beautiful it was when I could play something without dying in the trial. I've missed my house, my piano, my family, and the sea and the rain like I've never missed, and I've found beauty where I used to finding stupidness and hypocrisy.
And now, what should I decide to do this year? What should be the aims I'm never going to reach? Playing violin everyday? Studying like a whore? Seizing every moment? It's difficult to foresee the things I'm going to be willing to do, and the things I'm going to be strong enough to carry out, in the end, the thing that remains is me and my surroundings, and I know that sooner or later I'll be doing them, I just needed that prod to go on, and I think I got it, though I would not swear it. At least, notwithstanding the seriousness, I'm steady and ready to be me again. Or at least, the me I want to be, and not who people want me to be.
Have a happy new year.
♪: The vote - James Newton Howard.
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