Must be strangely exciting to watch the stoic squirm

2011-03-11T02:20:00.002+01:00

The lump in my throat hurts so much it does not anymore.
Sometimes you stand between me and reality, and all I see is a windowpane stained with the dirt of fear and regret. And I cannot see anything else, or I forget if I do. And if I try to touch the glass I can feel the breaks in it, cutting my fingertips yet I don't feel anything. That is the problem.

In those moments time goes by fast, and minutes slip between my eyelids until I realize that I've gone blank, and there you are again. In my throat. Clinging to me.

I wonder if I will ever be able to raise my head and look up without hitting my head with the wooden lid.

2011-02-22T15:20:00.001+01:00

A catch in my throat.
Choke.
Torn into pieces.
I won't.
No.
I don't want to be this.
I won't let this build up inside of me.

2011-02-20T22:34:00.003+01:00

Why is it that I can only cry for you in my dreams?
I whimper. I sigh. I feel this knot in my throat. But it's only in my dreams where I cry, and when I wake up I still have these dry eyes of mine.

It's strange how I can recall every single detail, more details each day that passes by. Every one of them. The acanthus in the hall, the golden light in my room, the feeling of the sofa. The taste of your food. The things I've been unable to eat since you're gone. Your laughter, your call every night. The smell of your cigarettes.

Your presence.

2011-02-14T16:39:00.001+01:00

Sometimes it's hard. It's just sometimes. But when it is, it's so hard. So hard...

2011-02-01T02:19:00.001+01:00

How can I save you from the things that I've been?
I cannot deny the past is written in my face.

2011-01-24T15:44:00.001+01:00

I will not give up.

2011-01-13T19:02:00.000+01:00

One breath, one word
may end or may start
a hope in a place
of the lover's heart.

2011-01-11T09:32:00.001+01:00

Without you there would be no reason to ever come back here. And yet you are the light in my grey Barcelona...

2011-01-04T00:34:00.000+01:00

Just put me inside you. I will never ever leave...

New year.

2011-01-01T12:19:00.002+01:00

How useless is to say the things I am going to do, and never will. This year, above all the last months, have changed me beyond words. I am unsteady inside myself, but heading towards tranquility and happiness.
I am, finally, looking for bliss and not achievements. How interesting is this...

2010-12-29T02:53:00.001+01:00

Please. Please. Disappear.

Beauty.

2010-12-26T00:33:00.003+01:00

I think I've never felt so touched with a song for a very, very, very long time...

2010-12-25T02:27:00.000+01:00

In the end I'll always be the most wayward of all...

2010-12-23T23:48:00.000+01:00

And still the beauty of the UK puzzles me...

2010-12-17T01:49:00.001+01:00

Nuzzle...

2010-12-12T13:29:00.001+01:00

I want to play Final Fantasy VII again...

2010-12-08T00:54:00.000+01:00

Máscara de Telón.

Happiness in mail.

2010-11-25T15:08:00.003+01:00

Today has been one of the most especial days since I'm here, receiving pieces of the things I left behind when coming here are priceless.
A book signed by Somoza.
A package full of the food I eat in Christmas when I'm in Santander and a shirt that smells like home...
I feel like crying of happiness.

2010-11-25T14:39:00.000+01:00

Súbitamente alzado gritó: «¿Cómo has dicho?, ¿Fue?, ¿Es que entonces ya no vive? ¿No hiere ya sus ojos la dulce luz del día?» Y al advertir que una cierta demora antes de responderle yo mostraba, cayó de espaldas sin volver a alzarse.

La Divina Comedia.

2010-11-21T19:55:00.001+01:00

Oh, please, do something...

Back (?).

2010-11-20T20:21:00.002+01:00

Here I am again. I wish I could say I'm wiser, but I'm just willing to write something. Today I felt that zest for writing and reading I had one day watching Harry Potter. I remember I actually waited for the letter to appear someday soon, but my story was completely different, the fight I got involved in was without spells, without heroes and happy endings.
But today I felt that little sparkle of total and senseless excitement, and remembered all those nights reading once and again some paragraphs. Ah...
I have to change the display of the blog, by the way...

ポケモン

2010-03-22T22:26:00.002+01:00

ぼくらグッヅコンビネ－ション

ばっちりコミュニケ－ション

いつだけハイテンション

だから大丈夫！

Proud to be a plague rat.

2010-03-15T18:44:00.002+01:00

State within the Asylum:

Lifer.

Permanent resident.

No chance for recovery.

I am committed.

2010-03-08T15:34:00.002+01:00

雪が降っていますよ～～～～～～～～きゃあ～～～～～～。

Beware the touch.

2010-03-04T15:12:00.002+01:00

And when you wake up you won't recall

how light surrenders to the dark.

So next time you start to fall,

you'll swear he's the greatests love of all.

And he will redeem the queen of hearts.

So true it hurts.

2010-02-28T19:36:00.002+01:00

Oh God. I've been writing for one hour and a half and I feel like it has been just five minutes. I love it.

Again.

2010-02-28T01:35:00.000+01:00

I am back among the thorns, for here is where I belong.

The Asylum

2009-12-27T00:03:00.000+01:00

God, I've never been so bloody committed.

The North.

2009-12-24T01:11:00.002+01:00

I will go rolling fast,

arms out in the rain,

feel momentum building 'til

I lift off ground like an airplane.

Love ties you down to the pain

a billion eyes are watching, fossilized

they see what remains.

Remains...

♪: remains - maurissa tancharoen and jed whedon

The book.

2009-12-14T00:30:00.002+01:00

It's been ages since I wrote the last entry here (déjà vu...). I don't want to explain all the changes I've been through because, seriously, they have been so many that I couldn't recall what was the first of all of them.

Something deep inside me has changed into a much complex being. Not everything, not much complex, but important enough to make me feel slightly different. And when I feel slightly different, it means I've undergone some kind of transformation without even noticing it.

I don't like my writing anymore, I feel like I have to learn from the very basis of literature, and I want to tattoo myself, to feel the pain and realize that now I have the power over myself again.

Today I felt a tremendous longing for a hard-paperback book. One of those in a brown shade, rough texture and letters in gold. One of those with ancient pages, all yellow and stiff; with that smell of poetry and literature, of knowledge and deepness. I just craved to have it on my thighs and touch the pages with my fingertips, the words...

♪: what you don't know - jonatha brooke

2009-09-11T23:33:00.000+02:00

God save the queen.

No man alive.

2009-09-02T00:47:00.002+02:00

It's been ages since I haven't written anything here. I don't know why, I feel more like writing in Spanish lately, though most of the times I could express myself better in English. At least my feelings.

I don't really feel like writing, but at this moment I just feel like posting these lyrics...

There's no man alive that I can deceive

so give me man who's crueler than me.

There's no man alive that I can destroy

so give me man who'll be first to deploy.

Give me a static-free cellular line

so I can connect to him all the time.

Give me a sparkling astral chord

so I can be there when he's no more.

♪: no man alive - hannah fury

Goodbye to England.

2009-08-02T00:26:00.002+02:00

So I am back home again. I have quite mixed feelings, I have to say. I adore being under my mother's wing again, and I cannot help but glancing at my violin and piano and looking forward to play them until my fingers bleed.

But I have found the place where I belong. I am sure, and when I left Hills Road 6th Form College I could constantly feel that I had left something behind. While I was searching an appropriate backpack for my excess of luggage, I was wondering what I could have left behind. I checked my phone, my passport, my pens, my notebook and my certificate. Everything was all right.

Only when I was looking through the window pane in the city1 bus heading Fulbourn did I realize that I was forsaking a link between myself and the surrounding that I never had before.
And it hurt so deeply that it didn't ache. Because I knew that I was to be there again.

One more and I'll be free.

2009-06-18T14:04:00.004+02:00

Turning tricks with absent guile
Reeling in your crooked smile
Why did I turn to you?
I only wanted a hand to pour my heart into
And now I'll bump my grind through another night
Lose my mind in another fight
Why did I turn to you?
I only gave you a chance to prove the rumors true
And now I'm paying with my
Paying with my life
I'm paying with my life
My life
My life

So let the record show
That you murdered me
In your coldest blood
With your own two hands
Don't think no one understands
It happens every day

Working life like a burlesque show
Get them off and they'll let you go
Why did I turn to you?
I only turned out to be just one more girl you slew
And now I'll bump my grind through another
Lose my mind in another
Why, why, why, why?
I only gave you a chance to prove the rumors true
And now I'm paying with my
Paying with my life
I'm paying with my life
My life
My life

So let the record show
That you murdered me
In your coldest blood
With your own two hands
Don't think no one understands
It happens every day
You're jealous, oh
You're jealous, why?
It's a simple excuse
For a complex crime
So write this on your soul
But don't waste my time

If I'm going down
Then I'm doing down good
If I'm going down
Then I'm going down clean
If I'm going down
Then I'm going down
The prettiest broken girl you've ever seen
If I'm going down
Then I'm going down good
If I'm going down
Then I'm going down clean
If I'm going down
Then I'm going
The prettiest wretched whore you've ever seen

But while I breathe
I've got no evidence to prove my end
And so you'll walk away?
Nope, wrong again

So let the record show
That you murdered me
In your coldest blood
With your own two hands
Don't think no one understands
It happens every day
You're jealous, oh
You're jealous, why?
It's a simple excuse for a complex crime
So write this on your soul

And let it show
That you murdered me
In your coldest blood
With your own two hands
Don't think no one understands
It happens every day
You're jealous, oh
You're jealous, why?
It's a simple excuse for a complex crime
So write this on your soul
But don't waste my time

Nineteen

2009-06-01T16:01:00.002+02:00

I have been given one moment from heaven

As I am walking surrounded by night

Stars high above me

Make a wish under moonlight

♪: on my way home - enya

OMFG

2009-05-29T01:56:00.001+02:00

I'll just say it:

FUCKING

WORSHIP

J.S. SOMOZA

Shallot

2009-05-23T00:37:00.003+02:00

She's looked up with a spinning wheel
She can't recall what it was like to feel
She says "This room is gonna be my grave
and there is no one who can save me"
She sits down to her coloured thread
She knows lovers wakening up in their beds
She says "How long can I live this way?
Is there someone I can pay to let me go?
'Cause I'm half sick of shadows
I want to see the sky
Everyoner else can watch the sun goes down
So why can't I?

And it's raining
And the stars are falling from the sky
And the wind
And the wind I know it's cold
I've been waiting
For the day I will surely die
And it's here
And it's here for I've been told
That I'll die before I'm old
And the wind I know it's cold"

She looks up to the mirrored glass
She sees a handsome horse and rider pass
She says "that's man gonna be my death
'Cause he is all I ever wanted in my life
And I know he doesn't know my name
And that all the girls are all the same to him
But still I've got to get out of this place
'Cause I don't think I can face another night
Where I'm half sick of shadows
And I can't see the sky
Everyone else can watch as the tide comes in
So why can't I?

But there's willow trees
And little breezes, waves, and walls, and flowers
And there's moonlight every single night
As I'm looked in these towers
So I'll meet my death
But with my last breath I'll sing to him I love
and he'll see my face in another place"
And with that the glass above her

Cracked into a million bits
And she cried out "So the story fits
But then I could have guessed it all along
'Cause now some drama queen is gonna write a song for me"
She went down to her little boat
And she broke the chains and began to float away
And as the blood froze in her veins she said
"Well then that explains a thing or two
'Cause I know I'm the cursed one
I know I'm meant to die
Everyone else can watch as their dreams untie
So why can't I ?

...

Sometimes I just want to break into pieces the fucking mirror and break free, though it meant dying.

My, my...

2009-05-17T11:48:00.004+02:00

OMG, I'm so fucking tired.

Half of the world is tired because of hang over or some sort of thing like that, but, ladies and gentlemen, I'm tired because we were visiting museums until 1 a.m.. I'm so nerd I could die.

It has been pretty exciting. Though I have to admit that MACBA hasn't exactly thrilled me, it's been interesting at least. I loved the botanical garden, though it was dark (it was nearly 1 a.m. when we went in), there were candles in the floor so that you could follow the path. We also saw the magic fountain of Montjuïc, and, oh.my.god, that was beautiful, seriously, and we were lucky enough to arrive just in time and there was a display with new age music, and all those colours in the fountain... Breathtaking.

We walked like hell for hours, and in the end I couldn't feel my feet and I was so thirsty I could have drank all their blood, buuuut, god, I've had such a good time...

♪: antología - shakira

sigh

2009-05-16T15:28:00.002+02:00

It's been ages since I last listened to her. I don't know why. There are too many memories. And still I love her lyrics, her voice... Everything.

No creo que el mar algún día pierda el sabor a sal

No creo en mí todavía

No creo en el azar

Sólo creo en tu sonrisa azul, en tu mirada de cristal...

♪: no creo - shakira

For whom the bell tolls

2009-05-11T18:51:00.003+02:00

This makes me want to believe in heaven

in angels for mothers

and hunchbacks

and wolves.

Please, let me believe

that she's happy

and safe

and warm

and smiling

eating apples

and the last piece of cake...

Until today it hasn't had such meaning to me...

...

2009-05-10T14:44:00.002+02:00

I just want to run away.

I feel so fucking lonely at this moment.

Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thought of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?

Gloomy Sunday

Sunday is gloomy, with shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be flowers and prayers that are sad I know
Let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream for in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you

Gloomy Sunday

2009-05-09T22:13:00.002+02:00

Sometimes you just need a hit to start realizing what you have to do, what you have to fight for and that you have to struggle.

Because you're all struggling, each one of you in a very different way. And here I am, selfishly doing nothing, spending the time doing anything but what I'm here for.

But now I know that I can't be like this anymore.

You're fighting for your mother.

You're fighting for yourself.

I'll fight for you both.

Books <3

2009-05-09T00:28:00.004+02:00

I feel like spending the whole weekend reading, writing, listening to Enya and burning incense. Just like that. I wish I could do it and forget about the faculty, my homework and everything else but my books, a nice cup of tea and the holy smell of amber.

♪: the first of autumn - enya

Damn Amanda Palmer...

2009-05-06T02:30:00.003+02:00

Why did I have to realize how amazing is her solo debut at midnight? Now I'm so fucking moved that I can't sleep.

I don't know if it's me, that I'm so strange lately; the music, the moment; or whatever. But my God, I've been watching her videos since midnight and I can't stop, I identify myself with them, with the lyrics and I don't actually know why. I just feel that all my feelings have been put in some lyrics and videos. Some of them even make me be close to tears. Astronaut make me want to scream. My...

Is it enough to have some love?

Small enough to slip inside a book

Small enough to cover with your hand

Because everyone around you wants to look

Is it enough to have some love?

Small enough to fit inside the cracks

The pieces don't fit together so good

For all the breaking and all the gluing back

And I'm still not getting what I want

I want to touch the back of your irght arm

And I wish you could remind me who I was

Because each day I'm further off...

♪: astronaut - amanda palmer

Asdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasd

2009-05-05T08:37:00.008+02:00

This is going to be an awful day. I can foresee it.

EDIT: as far, it has been. But now I'm having a great coffee and wishing I will learn Japanese vocabulary for tomorrow so I won't spend the fucking evening reading the words once and again.

My cup of coffee fell over the table, pouring all my bloody coffee and most of it ended up under the microwave. I had to clean all of it and there was no more coffee left for another cup so I went kind of sonambulist to Translation. The bus decided to arrive at the bus stop at the time when I had to be sitting in class. I arrived there and I received my translation. Five point five. And Marie tells me he'd said that he'd been "benevolent with everyone" even though I haven't found no one over six. Appart from that bitch that pissed us off all the time asking for help "because she didn't know how to speak Spanish correctly". And guess what? She got an eight.

Anyway, then I only had one hour of English. I spent all the break talking with Marie about the filth in this world and watching life drift by.

At least I was able to go shopping, cook a more or less nice meal and eat in a couple of hours. So I've been sleeping until half past four.

I've run out of coffee. This means I have to start studying.

RE-EDIT:

Guess who has just ironed his own finger 8D. MYBLOODYNORAITHURTSSOBAD

♪: concerto for 2 violoncellos in G minor - vivaldi.

2009-05-05T00:13:00.003+02:00

Sometimes, sickly-sweet songs, Vivaldi and my imagination are not enough...

♪: iris - goo goo dolls

sigh

2009-05-04T01:19:00.003+02:00

Today I've attended to my first baroque music concert. And I actually got excited, there were some parts that I felt like in EA's concert. I mean, the music really moved me so bad, and there was a movement that nearly made me cry.

It's been so exciting.

2009-05-02T13:56:00.003+02:00

The past is so familiar
But that's why you couldn't stay
Too many ghosts, too many haunted dreams
Beside you were built to find your own way...

But after all these years, I
thought we'd still hold on
But when I reach for you and search your eyes
I see you've already gone...

That's OK
I'll be fine
I've got myself, I'll heal in time
But when you leave just remember what we had...
There's more to life than just you
I may cry but I'll make it through
And I know that the sun will shine again
Though I may think of you now and then...

Can't do a thing with ashes
But throw them to the wind...
Though this heart may be in pieces now
You know I'll build it up again and
I'll come back stronger than I ever did before
Just don't turn around when you
walk out that door...

That's OK
I'll be fine
I've got myself, I'll heal in time
But when you leave just remember what we had...
There's more to life than just you
I may cry but I'll make it through
And I know that the sun will shine again
Though I may think of you now and then...

That's OK
I'll be fine
I've got myself, I'll heal in time
And even though our story's at the end
I still may think of you now and then...

Blergh~

2009-04-29T00:18:00.003+02:00

I just want to let off steam, so, to the few ones who read this: don't ask me about it, don't even take it into account. I'm at the moment just kind of stupidly dramatic and I don't feel like sleeping, reading or whatever.

So here I am. And here is my life. I'm in Barcelona, I should be fucking happy and I still feel like everything is messed up. I've changed the surrounding. I've changed my home. I've even changed my hair. And still I feel like there's something wrong with me.

I still leave things to the last day. I still spend hours in front of this bloody screen. I still am so bloody selfish and proud. I haven't changed a bit. And it is not the problem, because I love me the way I am. I am like this, and I have to live with it, I'm not going to be anyone else or pretend to be one. But sometimes I just can't stand myself.

And now I have so many doubts in my head that it's going to tear it appart. The rationalist in me is kind of offline and I'm being driven by all these stupid thoughts which now seem not to be so stupid. And I hate writing this because in the end I don't like acting like a victim. I hate victims. And I know I'm strong enough to take the brides of my life as soon as I really know what to do. But the fucking problem is that I don't know it. And I don't know what to do about it. And it's driving me mad.

And that's it. I needed to post it. I may erase this stupid post tomorrow, but at least I feel a little bit lighter. Or sort of.

♪: nocturne - the paul schwartz project

雨。。。

2009-04-26T19:33:00.004+02:00

One of the best things of this beedroom is that anytime it rains, I can hear it perfectly because the indoor courtyard makes a kind of echo that lets me enjoy each drop, even though I may be listening to music.

One of the best things of this flat is that I can go out to the balcony and watch the rain falling and feel the moisture without getting wet.

One of the best things of rain is that when it's falling I feel like time has been stopped and that nothing has happened in my life, that I'm aside all that things that make me weak, that everything else is just virtually unreal.

And I love that feeling.

♪: eden - sarah brightman

Old feelings

2009-04-25T22:33:00.005+02:00

Did you ever think of me,
As your best friend
Did I ever think of you,
I'm not complaining

I never tried to feel
I never tried to feel
This vibration
I never tried to reach
I never tried to reach
Your eden

Did I ever think of you,
As my enemy
Did you ever think of me,
I'm not complaining

I never tried to feel
I never tried to feel
This vibration.
I never tried to reach
I never tried to reach
Your eden

I never tried to feel
I never tried to...
Your eden

♪: eden - sarah brightman

Paprika (L)

2009-04-24T19:40:00.000+02:00

胸にエナジー　ケミカルの泡立ち
ハイヤーや古タイヤや血や肉の通りを行き
あれがリバティー　ユートピアのパロディー
ハイヤーやギガ・ムービーの絢爛の並木は晴れ

マイナーな欝は戯言　バラ色は廉価
いわく幸せと知れ　持ちきれぬほど

瀕死のリテラシー　メカニカルに殺す
売人や吊るワイヤーやホルムアルデヒドの通り
乾くシナジー　合成スイートで湿し
高層のメガ神殿に狂乱のファンドの雨

「蒙昧」の文字は書けねど　未来は廉価
なべて迷信と笑え　因果のストーリー

さあ　異臭を放ち来る　キミの影を喰い
恐怖のパレードが来る　キミの名の下に

轟音のMC　シビリアンには致死量
廃人や売るダイアや血に堕ちた道理の通り
あれがリバティー　ユートピアのパロディー
頼みはＳＳＲＩ　さて流行のテラスでハイホー

マイナーな説はたわごと　享楽は廉価
努々省みるな　手遅れゆえ

さあ　異臭を放ち来る　キミの影を喰い
恐怖のパレードが来る　キミの名の下に
さあ　地を埋めつくすほど　キミの影が産む
狂気のパレードが来る　キミの名の下に

♪: parade - hirasawa susumu

♥

2009-04-19T22:39:00.002+02:00

I've been thinking about writing down something here for a few days, but I didn't feel like it until today. My passion towards Terry Pratchett has come to life again.

First of all, I have to shame me because I've left him behind for a long time, (I think it's been a year since I last read a book of his) and what's more, not knowing BBC (GOD BLESS IT) has done two wonderful movies based on TP's work. Of course, they are Pratchettproved, and that's why they are so FUCKING good.

I mean, there are things I don't like: Rincewind's too young and Twoflowers too old, Death's just a skeleton, it doesn't even move its jag... But MY, It's Discworld put into cinema. IT'S THE BLOODY DISCWORLD. Ok, I'm getting a bit excited, forgive me.

The thing is that recently I've been craving for more of his books. First of all, when I came across that wonderful TP merchandise website in which I'm going to spend all my money. Then, re-downloading the games. And now watching Hogfather and The colour of magic.

My, I just need a fix of Terry Pratchett. I think that as soon as I finish A goat's song (YEAH, I HAVEN'T FINISHED THE FUCKING BOOK), I'll start reading him like hell. I'll try to read at least untill I have read half his books this year.

And that's pretty much it. I just wanted to yell it somewhere.

2009-04-13T18:26:00.003+02:00

Everything I am, everything I see is all part of a circle coming back to me. All this joy and hate it will be again all part of a circle coming back to me...

♪: the circle - gregorian

The jester's joy

2009-04-12T15:16:00.003+02:00

It was the last time he ever saw him! His jester away with his beloved son. Only because he, the king, would not be able to even imagine that the jocker, the one who people always laughed at, could have uttered such a simple question, and what is more, that he could not answer it propperly.The jester, a lame laid man, had always light up the king and his son’s lifes, even though he was not part of it, just an ornament. Or that was what the king thought. He never noticed that his son would not laugh at the joker, but with him; he would look up to him, and not down on him. And when the king realized it, it was too late to stop it, blue blood mixed with filth, nothing to be borne. The worst part of it was that he loved his son above all things in life: his wife had died time ago and there was no one to trust when being a king but your own flesh.
Despite the king’s grief, he could not allow this to go on, so he decided to tempt all men flaw: greed.
One day, on enjoying a party with all his servants, the king decided to try his jester’s loyalty: if he showed his love to be more important than money, the king would turn a blind eye to their insane affair; if not, the jester would be cast into shame because of his greed, and expelled out of the kingdom.
“My jester, should you propose a riddle I am not able to answer right, I would give you a privilege, chosing between half my fortune, or freedom with your beloved one, whoever that one is.” The king smiled to the audience, who looked in awe to them, waiting for an exciting interpretation of the jester. He, on the other hand, could only feel the eyes of his lover upon his, and his blood freezing on the fear of failing. His voice, though, was firm and clear when he shouted, so that everyone in the hall would hear him, “my lord, how many stars can you now count in the sky?”.
The king looked at him seriously, “don’t try to tease me, jester, for the stars in the sky are numberless and even I wouldn’t be able to answer that”. The jester, with a great smile towards the prince answered “my lord, my beloved lord; let me choose now my beloved one, because at this very moment the only star in the sky you can count is the sun”.

And then, the king closed his eyes and nodded sorrowfully.

PROMETEO MY ASS

2009-04-09T21:37:00.002+02:00

I'm hating greek mythology like hell now. Seriously ò3o.

♪: not me, not i - delta goodrem

Back to roots

2009-04-08T22:45:00.003+02:00

My piano. Laughing out loud. Gregorian voices. Celtic soul. Stripes. Frayed trousers. Old crushes.

♪: one of us - gregorian

Foolish games ♪ ♪ ♪

2009-04-05T21:15:00.003+02:00

Lately I've been posting random stupid notes, but I feel like doing it and this is my little kingdom. Anyway, who bloody cares?

You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you

Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.

You took your coat off,
Stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.

♪: foolish games - jewel

Shakespeare

2009-04-05T12:48:00.002+02:00

My fingers hurt, but I've been playing piano for an hour more or less.

It feels so good... I've missed you so much, my dear...

♪: besoin d'espace - pierrick lilliu

2009-04-05T11:39:00.001+02:00

J'ai mal, mal à en crever...

Home

2009-04-03T22:41:00.003+02:00

So yeah, I'm going home tomorrow. I'm taking the plane at 9 a.m. (which means...? Yeah! I have to get up at five o'clock in the morning, yay for me!).

It's pretty weird, I haven't really realized it. It's not like Christmas, or the classes-off week after exmas. It has come quite unexpected and now I'm trying to tell myself that tomorrow I'll be in the North again, that I have to take a bloody plane and that I'll be again at home for a week more or less. I'm quite excited, though I may not put it well across. I'm varnishing my nails.

♪: ameno - era

2009-04-03T00:21:00.003+02:00

闇にまどいしあわれなかげよ

人を憎しみおとしめて

つみにおぼれるごうのたま

...

一遍、死んで見る?

Boredom.

2009-04-02T20:35:00.003+02:00

A Goat's Song creates a kind of temporal vortex quite strange. I've only read one more chapter and I feel like I've been reading for ages.

I want it to end so baaaaad ç______ç.

♪: fool's gold - blackmore's night

2009-04-01T00:28:00.001+02:00

So weird...

2009-03-29T13:38:00.001+02:00

So far it has been one of the worst days in my university life. I want to slaughter someone :D.

@_@

2009-03-29T12:14:00.000+02:00

I need a 30-hour Sunday.

♪: puzzle - girugamesshu (I don't feel like changing the keybord language).

Green and white, blue has yet to die...

2009-03-27T23:33:00.004+01:00

My biological clock has changed, but it is worth it.

As always, I won't do a huge review, just because I don't really like putting all my feelings in this piece of me. Though it is, my feelings are better inside me.

Just telling you (the few ones who read me, though) that it has been one of the greatest nights of my life. Not only the party itself, but watching films and anime at 4 a.m., admiring a non-existant daybreak, cooking sushi and warm tea at 7 a.m.. You are awesome, my sweethearts.

I've been (I swear!) unwillingly sleeping all afternoon long, and part of the evening. So now I have lots of things to do, I'll finish cleaning tomorrow, at least I've tidied up more or less whole the house, and all that is left is cleaning and washing up the dashes and all this thingies.

My, I feel like it's 10 a.m. and it's nearly midnight. But there's nothing like warm tea and sushi after such a good day.

♪: rosemary lane - espers

Random

2009-03-24T19:16:00.002+01:00

It's a fact. I caught a huge cold.
I hate my Japanese teacher. Not Japanese itself, thank God.
I hate posesives & demostratives.
My nose hurts.
Dermot Healy had a really beautiful accent, and he signed my book. I may look at it differently from now on.
My ass hurts because I've been sitting on the bed with the laptop for about 2 hours. And this is not one of those good beds. No, it isn't.

I've received Montreim. I'll start it as soon as I finish A *bloody* Goat's Song.

♪: tea house moon - enya

2009-03-22T17:49:00.001+01:00

My, Earl Grey Tea atm feels like heaven. Seriously.

;_;

2009-03-21T17:59:00.001+01:00

I think I've caught a huge cold.
... Dammit.

♪: first of autumn - enya

2009-03-19T21:52:00.009+01:00

EXCRUCIATING SHAME

2009-03-16T21:48:00.000+01:00

Shattered

2009-03-12T00:49:00.000+01:00

Did you ever recognize our international section? You should because the language moderators are doing a great job there. Snap bitches, we have 9 languages on the board because we're international like that. Dutch (Aphrodisiac), Finnish (Kiga), French (Daedal), German (ra-punzel), Italian (BitterBeauTea), Norwegian (Engwannuniel), Russian (Ariel), Spanish (SatXII), Swedish (Thesaya)

http://forum.emilieautumn.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=14864

I feel so fucking important *o*

2009-03-09T19:08:00.001+01:00

My, at this moment I am bitterly craving for my piano...

♪: le moulin - yann tiersen.

Random...

2009-03-05T22:57:00.003+01:00

Enya has been a very important part of my life. My admiration for her cannot be compared to the one I have towards EA. It's so different I can't explain it.

Enya has put the OST of my life until today; no matter what other music I was listening to. Enya has always been in the background of everything. Waiting in expectation for her moment of temporary uniqueness, and then come back to the background, putting that piped music.

I remember lying on my mother's bed, looking at the ceiling, hearing One by one. I can perfectly recall myself playing Watermark each time I would feel blue. Flora's Secret each time I would fall in love. The first of autumn with hiperactivity. Boadicea with mistycism.

She has been a very important part of my life, I know I won't ever be able to tell her how much I owe her.

But I also know she will always be on the background...

Who can tell me if we have heaven,
who can say the way it should be;
Moonlight holly, the Sappho Comet,
Angel's tears below a tree.

You talk of the break of morning
as you view the new aurora,
Cloud in crimson, the key of heaven,
one love carved in acajou.

One told me of China Roses,
One a Thousand nights and one night,
Earth's last picture, the end of evening:
hue of indigo and blue.

A new moon leads me to
woods of dreams and I follow.
A new world waits for me;
my dream, my way.

I know that if I have heaven
there is nothing to desire.
Rain and river, a world of wonder
may be paradise to me.

I see the sun.
I see the stars.

♪: china roses - enya.

2009-03-05T20:01:00.001+01:00

耳がいたい　　D:!

でも。。。

すばらしいですね！！

2009-02-28T20:54:00.002+01:00

Today's been the first day since I started playing violin that he actually answered me and resounded on me.

It has been pretty moving.

~(O)~

2009-02-28T18:24:00.002+01:00

So far now I've passed all the CAE parts of the test I'm currently doing. What's more, the listening part, which I though would be hell, has been pretty easy, and I've got a 25 out of 30.

Let's hope real exam isn't much different from the samples.

I may post later the music meme San send me.

♪: an deiner seite - unheilig

Random

2009-02-23T20:58:00.003+01:00

I'm starting German next week.

I don't like at all my Japanese teacher.

I don't feel like doing anything productive.

I wanted to do something at least.

I'm phoning home.

See you.

♪: auf kurs - oomph!

Ureshii! <3

2009-02-23T00:36:00.003+01:00

So this weekend has been super-duper fabulous.

I was going to make kind of a review, but, who cares? LOL.

So I'll just leave here what has been the last thing of this weekend and one of the greatests: more Oomph! videos *¬*. He's hot like hell, dammit. I've decided that tomorrow I'll ask my violin teacher whether she could teach me some German too. I know, random, but I feel like it.

♪: sandmann - oomph!

Ña~

2009-02-05T14:32:00.003+01:00

I'm again at home. My, there's nothing like homemade food, I'm going to explode if I continue eating this much *¬*.

So, news.

I finished exams (bloody marks...) and it wasn't that bad. At least I passed all of them, though I know I can improve my marks quite much if I start studying seriously. Now my pride has been hurt, I know they will rise, haha.

Anyway, I'm thinking about going abroad in July or August, I've just had a look at the Nacel magazine, and I've found plenty of interesting destinations. We'll see~...

Now I'll try to do something productive (LIAR!) or just continue lazing around o3o. Maybe I'll try o learn Hebrew alphabet, though I don't feel like memorizing right now -o-.

Alef, bet, guímel, dálet...

♪: girls just wanna have fun - emilie autumn.

2009-01-25T18:43:00.001+01:00

For every man there is a cause which he would proudly die for
Defend the right to have a place for which he can belong to
And if we go and fight, we face their hearts in desperation
and shed his blood to stem the flood of an impending invasion...

Sometimes I just feel... Anachronistic.

VISUALize me

2009-01-22T18:12:00.003+01:00

OMFG.

They arrived safe and perfect. Aren't they absolutely beautiful? *o*

2009-01-21T17:00:00.002+01:00

TITULO ORIGINAL:	Lady N° 13 (The Number Thirteen Lady)
GENERO:	Terror
PAIS:	España
AÑO:	2009
DIRECTOR:	Jaume Balaguero
INTERPRETES:
PRODUCTOR:	Julio Fernández

I've been waiting for this film so looooong.

Can't wait to watch it and get gripped like while reading the book.

(*oωo)

2009-01-20T23:17:00.003+01:00

I would like to know why some people seem to love making troubles grow, and grow, and fucking grow.

Sayounara.

2009-01-17T10:26:00.002+01:00

Byebye complex, nice to meet you, but we have to split up.

See you in hell :D.

♪: イシュタル - ギルガメッシュ

♥

2009-01-11T00:57:00.002+01:00

For you, since you are the one.

愛しい人・・・泣かないで、笑ってみせて
涙がみたくて「好き」って言ったんじゃないんだよ？
愛しい人・・・大丈夫、淋しくなんかないでしょう
だって貴方が淋しい時、僕も淋しいんだよ？

愛しい人・・・とじた目は、
まだあけちゃ駄目だかんね
そのまま・・・そのまま
・・・って寝ちゃ駄目だよ。

愛しい人

「貴方の為なら死ねる」じゃなくて
「貴方の為に生きる」事にしたよ
もちろん貴方もご一緒に。
この先も、その先も。

もっと自分愛してやりなよ、
僕はその余った分でいーから。

愛しい、愛しい人

たとえ生まれ変わったとしても、
僕は「この」僕でいるから貴方も「その」貴方でいてね。
そして、また同じ台詞言うんだ。
ずっと、ずぅっと。

愛しい人・・・ゆっくり
その目あけてごらんよ。

いつもと同じでしょう？

それでいいんだよ。

2009-01-06T21:21:00.004+01:00

きゃあ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

雪ははらはらと！! ((((((*ノ'З`*ノ⌒!

♪: 菫草 - Enya.

Happy new year

2009-01-01T15:16:00.004+01:00

DISCLAIMER: this post is to be painfully dense and lack of attention to syntax and style soooo, you should stop reading now if you're not ready to an amount of shit put down in a blog. You've been warmed.

OK, so another year has passed by. A bitterly tough year, I have to say, though it has helped me in many ways to notice lots of things. I'm not going to mention people I've left behind, because, after all, they're behind, and they don't deserve being metioned. And that's it.

2008 should be halved in two, the first part of it was difficult, so to speak, but thanks to that I've learned how can I come through such situations in which future was utterly bleak; alone thanks to my pride, or together with some special ones who helped me a lot.

The second part of the year was quite better, though I was still staggering, trying to assimilate all that I have been through, I found a place where I shouldn't have to care about me and my looks. Where I could talk without being banned, where I could wear anything I fucking would like to wear, without fearing being battered. I'm still amazed by people in Barcelona, and I'm afraid I will be for a long time, I've found so many real people I just can't believe it. They've won a part in my heart, which is not easy, in a very short time, and I'm not frightened by being harmed. Unbelievable. What's more, I've started to live by my own, and found that it is not easy, that it makes you think about things that were insignificant in first place, and now are the whole world. I've had so many good times with Sunday, in our beautiful flat, cooking, cleaning and talking about all our problems.

I feel like I've been dreaming for a long time.

The Knight has stood by me all this time, and it seems that he'll do it for the rest of our lifes, and I feel totally blessed by that, because he's all I want in my other half. And I know I'm his other half. And that's why even though kilometres would fall between us, everything's going to be all right, because I'll be always there for him, and so he will be.

I've started again with Suiseiseki, this time for ever, because, we both know we're twins, part of the same soul, and that nothing will stop us now.

I've remembered how harsh it was to begin with an instrument, and how beautiful it was when I could play something without dying in the trial. I've missed my house, my piano, my family, and the sea and the rain like I've never missed, and I've found beauty where I used to finding stupidness and hypocrisy.

And now, what should I decide to do this year? What should be the aims I'm never going to reach? Playing violin everyday? Studying like a whore? Seizing every moment? It's difficult to foresee the things I'm going to be willing to do, and the things I'm going to be strong enough to carry out, in the end, the thing that remains is me and my surroundings, and I know that sooner or later I'll be doing them, I just needed that prod to go on, and I think I got it, though I would not swear it. At least, notwithstanding the seriousness, I'm steady and ready to be me again. Or at least, the me I want to be, and not who people want me to be.

Have a happy new year.

♪: The vote - James Newton Howard.

2008-12-22T23:43:00.011+01:00

ただいま。。。

I just need some rain and I will feel totally at home.

♪: Piano concerto solo - Brahms.

OMFG

2008-12-17T22:49:00.008+01:00

I got a 9 in my last translation :DDDDDDDDDDDD.

I'm over the moon!

♪: 分島花音・suna no oshiro.

2008-12-16T19:37:00.003+01:00

The house seems colder since Sunday left. Seriously. I'm so looking forward to going back home...

I've been nearly four months without my piano, my family, my boyfriend, my friends, my English & Piano classes, and now I feel like these week's going to be endless.

But on the other side, I know I'm going to miss all this a lot when I'm there. Above all all the people I've met. I can't believe I've made so many friends who are not two-faced, and whith whom I'm totally confortable. It's amazing.

♪: Home - Three days grace.

Muffins.

2008-11-30T01:00:00.005+01:00

Today we've had this kind of muffin meeting in Barcelona and I've adored it.

I don't know, we've talked about lots of interesting things. From psychological illnesses to anime.

I never thought I would find so many people like this in a forum, let alone in a forum I built. I'm too used to seeing them disappear u_u.

Anyway, I loved it, and I hope this will carry on for a long time :).

BTW, I stole this at Sunday's LJ and I found it pretty interesting. It is more or less right, but it doesn't say anything reaaaally relevant. Quite random.

Your rainbow is strongly shaded blue and brown.

What is says about you: You are a deep thinking person. You appreciate friends who get along with one another. You feel closer to people when you understand their imperfections. You share hobbies with friends and like trying to fit into their routines.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

HAWT

2008-11-12T00:18:00.003+01:00

Ok, this is fucking stupid.
He's wearing this suit, he's acting like Alice's rabbit and...
OMFG HE'S SO FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKING HOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fan.

2008-11-07T00:19:00.003+01:00

I've always thought of myself as a really awful fan. I love listening to music; but I'm not fond of looking through my "idol's" life; there are some groups I don't even know the name of the singer. I don't pay attention to their life, neither their musical life. I usually notice they have a new CD when it has been on the internet for a long time.

But this has changed.

Now I find myself searching for anything new EA has made, I'm posting in the official forum and I've even built a Spanish one. It's a stupid thing, but it is important for me.

Most of the people think I'll get over it, like I get over everything in my life, but I know this is different. I loved MCR, but even with them, I didn't feel something towards them (more than admiration, and sexual atraction). They were great, yeah, but nothing more. But I feel like Emilie Autumn has put a beautiful spot in my life, making me feel like someone over the ocean is making something bloody awesome for people like me, and I have the pleasure to share her passion towards music.

I know, everyone has its fan time, and it's a stupid thing making it important enough to write it down here, but the thing is that I find myself interested enough in something to be important for a long time, which is not very common. I am usually obsessed with something for some time, and afterwards, it is over there, but there are more important things to pay attention to, even though I never forget anything I was obsessed with. I just get obsessed with something else. But now I get obsessed with lots of things and EA. She's not being left behind, not even losing importance. Many people would think "that's what I do all the time, so don't make it soooo important, nerd", but I don't really do this that currently, so for me it is an exception.

I dunno, I just wanted to write it down and feel like a real fan. It's the first time I know what the bloody word means. And I love it.

Cold.

2008-10-26T22:40:00.003+01:00

Today it's been pretty cold. I loved it, I miss Santander weather, its dampness, its rain, its green landscape... I'm so looking forward to coming back there; I'm utterly happy here, I love the people I've met, and being comfortable without having to think about what others would say about me.

But the North will always fill my heart.

I'm starting to regret not having visited more villages in Cantabria; I don't like Santander, but I adore the villages, even more than Barcelona. I know they will be there forever, and that I will be able to visit them anytime I go to Cantabria; but anyway... You know, only when you lose something will you start appreciating it.

And it's not only the weather. I miss my family, I miss the Knight and his house full of this feeling of "home", I miss Wrath and her laugh, my piano, my room, the waves on the sea...

*sigh*

I'm just homesick.

♪: Sobrepena - Hevia.

Muffin.

2008-10-16T23:11:00.001+02:00

"Now I want to sing something special, something for me, and you all. Not the bloody crumpets, just you and me. Us."

It's not the time
It's not the place
I'm just another pretty face
So don't come any closer
You're not the first
You're not the last
How many more?
Don't even ask
You're one more dead composer

Do I need you?
Yes and no
Do I want you?
Maybe so
You're getting warm
You're getting warm
You're getting warmer oh
Did you plan this all along
Did you care if it was wrong
Who's getting warmer now
That I'm gone

Misery loves company
And company loves more
More loves everybody else
But hell is others

I'm not for you
You're not for me
I'll kill you first
You wait and see
You devil undercover
You're not a prince
You're not a friend
You're just a child
And in the end
You're one more selfish lover

Do I need you?
Yes and no
Do I want you?
Maybe so
You're getting warm
You're getting warm
You're getting warmer oh
Did you plan this all along
Did you care if it was wrong
Who's getting warmer now
That I'm gone

Misery loves company
And company loves more
More loves everybody else
But hell is others

You're so easy to read
But the book is boring me
You're so easy to read
But the book is boring me
You're so easy to read
But the book is boring
Boring boring boring boring
Boring boring me

Pray for me
If you want to
Pray for me
If you care
Pray for me
If you want to
Pray for me
If you dare
Pray for me
If you want to
Pray for me
If you care
Pray for me
If you want to
Pray for me you fucker
If you fucking dare

Misery loves company
And company loves more
More loves everybody else
But hell is others...

Thank you so much.

♪: Mad girl - Emilie Autumn.

4 o'clock.

2008-10-10T08:21:00.003+02:00

OMFG.

I'll explain later, now I'll just say that I know for sure this is the best gig of my life. No one would be any better.

Just perfect, no words can explain how good they did it. And now I'll go and pick up The Knight because he's staying here this week-end =D.

University life.

2008-10-02T23:20:00.002+02:00

Aw, I'm starting to adore this...

♪: Palladio - eScala.

OMG

2008-09-29T18:22:00.002+02:00

OK, my first day actually alone and I got a flood.

I'm fucking awesome XDDDDDDDDDD.

Must be strangely exciting to watch the stoic squirm

New year.

Beauty.

Happiness in mail.

Back (?).

ポケモン

Proud to be a plague rat.

Beware the touch.

Again.

The Asylum

The North.

The book.

No man alive.

Goodbye to England.

One more and I'll be free.

Nineteen

OMFG

Shallot

My, my...

*sigh*

For whom the bell tolls

...

Books <3

Damn Amanda Palmer...

Asdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasd

*sigh*

Blergh~

雨。。。

Old feelings

Paprika (L)

♥

The jester's joy

PROMETEO MY ASS

Back to roots

Foolish games ♪ ♪ ♪

Shakespeare

Home

Boredom.

@_@

Green and white, blue has yet to die...

Random

;_;

Random...

~(*O*)~

Random

Ureshii! <3

Ña~

VISUALize me

(*oωo)

Sayounara.

♥

Happy new year

OMFG

Muffins.

HAWT

Fan.

Cold.

Muffin.

4 o'clock.

University life.

OMG

sigh

sigh

~(O)~